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Due to the last President of the United States being a root vegetable at best and an auto-pen at worst, Donald Trump had no choice but to re-pardon Biden’s turkey. But the jokes get better, because he almost— not quite, but almost —named them “Chuck” and “Nancy.” However, he decided that would be inappropriate, as he would “never pardon” them, no matter what Melania told him.

According to the New York Post:

President Trump hosted the annual turkey pardon at the White House on Tuesday — joking that he was also re-pardoning last year’s birds that only got an “autopen” reprieve and saying he considered naming this year’s gobblers “Chuck and Nancy.”

Former President Joe Biden “used an autopen for last year’s turkey pardons,” the president joked, calling them “totally invalid,” a contention he’s made of the Democrat’s late-term grants so often that an autopen portrait took the place of Biden’s picture in the White House photo gallery.

These are the jokes we need in order for this country to heal.

“The turkeys known as Peach and Blossom last year have been located and they were on their way to be processed … but I have stopped that journey and I am officially pardoning them, and they will not be served as Thanksgiving dinner,” he joked.

Incredible. In the pursuit of making America great again, Trump has also saved the lives of two innocent turkeys. Oh, PETA would be so proud.

Turkeys named Gobble and Waddle, said to be the plumpest birds presented at the annual event, received this year’s pardons.

“When I first saw their pictures … I was going to call them [Senate Minority Leader] Chuck [Schumer] and [former House Speaker] Nancy [Pelosi], but then I realized I wouldn’t be pardoning them. I would never pardon those two people,” Trump joked, noting, “I wouldn’t care what Melania told me.”

He really can’t help himself, and we are all here for it.

He finished with a beautiful message that Biden’s auto-pen could never come close to.

Wonderful message—and a great way to finish off the first 11 months of his administration. I hope everyone reading this has a very Happy Thanksgiving.

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