25Have you looked at the people who represent Democrats? You could pick a better group by pointing at random inmates at Rikers.

Every election cycle politicians promise to restore dignity to Washington.

Then Washington shows up drunk, wearing a feather boa, texting Jeffrey Epstein, and arguing about pronouns while the economy burns.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the United States Congress.

The only workplace where you can accidentally date a Chinese spy, film an adult movie in a hearing room, and still show up the next morning lecturing the American people about ethics.

Let’s meet the cast.

The Jihadist Wing of Congress

First up, Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib.

Critics often lump them together as part of the progressive “Squad,” but their controversies deserve their own special museum wing.

Omar once triggered bipartisan condemnation after suggesting U.S. support for Israel was “all about the Benjamins,” referencing Jewish influence through money.

Yes, she dropped a centuries-old antisemitic trope… and then seemed surprised when people noticed.

Tlaib has repeatedly clashed with Congress over anti-Israel activism and was censured by the House after rhetoric surrounding the Israel-Hamas war.

Nothing says “serious legislative body” like members of Congress arguing over whether chanting slogans tied to terrorist movements is empowering or problematic.

The Guy Who Might Need a Background Check… On His Dates

Next we have Eric Swalwell, who accidentally wandered into what looks like the opening act of a spy movie.

A suspected Chinese intelligence operative named Christine Fang spent years cultivating relationships with U.S. politicians, including helping fundraise for Swalwell.

The FBI eventually warned him about her activities.

To be fair, Swalwell insists nothing inappropriate happened. You believe him?

Regardless, if the FBI ever has to sit you down and say, “Congressman, the woman you’ve been seeing works for Chinese intelligence…”, that’s usually the moment when your national security clearance starts sweating.

The Russia Conspiracy Narrator

Then there’s Adam Schiff, the man who spent years promising America that evidence of Trump-Russia collusion was basically hiding behind the couch.

For years Schiff appeared on television declaring he had seen evidence the public hadn’t yet seen.

Americans waited. Cable news waited. The evidence apparently took a wrong turn somewhere near the Bermuda Triangle.

At this point the only confirmed Russian collusion is between CNN producers and the espresso machine keeping the coverage alive.

The Insider Trading Olympics

Then we arrive at Nancy Pelosi, whose household investment record has become so legendary it probably has its own hedge fund.

Critics from both parties have questioned stock trades made by her husband Paul Pelosi that coincided with major legislative developments affecting tech companies.

Apparently Washington has discovered the one bipartisan principle everyone agrees on:

Congress should absolutely ban insider trading.

Just as soon as members of Congress finish doing it.

The Senatorial Adult Film Studio

Now let’s talk about the moment Congress decided to branch into… independent cinema.

A Senate staffer working for Senator Ben Cardin was fired after a video surfaced showing sexual activity filmed inside a Senate hearing room.

The same room used for Supreme Court confirmations.

Apparently someone misunderstood when they said they wanted more “action” in Congress.

The Congressman Who Talks to Jeffrey Epstein

And now we arrive at the story that sounds like a rejected plotline from House of Cards.

Stacey Plaskett, the congressional delegate from the U.S. Virgin Islands, exchanged text messages with Jeffrey Epstein during the 2019 Michael Cohen congressional hearing.

According to released messages, Epstein was watching the hearing and texting commentary to Plaskett while she prepared to question Cohen.

At one point Epstein suggested she ask about a Trump Organization employee named Rhona Graff.

Moments later, Plaskett asked that exact question during the hearing.

Afterward Epstein texted:

“Good work.”

Which means somewhere in America’s legislative history there is now a congressional hearing that effectively included live coaching from Jeffrey Epstein.

And people wonder why Americans have trust issues.

The Identity Hall of Fame

Finally we come to Elizabeth Warren, who once identified as Native American long enough to list it in professional directories.

The claim later collapsed into one of the most awkward political DNA tests in modern history.

The results showed ancestry so distant it had to be viewed with the Hubbell telescope.

The Punchline

When Americans say Congress has become a joke, they aren’t being metaphorical.

This is an institution where:

• politicians date foreign intelligence assets
• congressional staffers film adult content in hearing rooms
• lawmakers trade stocks while writing the laws affecting those companies
• members text with Jeffrey Epstein during hearings

And every election cycle Democrats tell voters the same thing.

“We are going to restore integrity.”

Sure. Right after “Integrity” gets released from jail from her prostitution rap.