The news media and the Democrats — but I repeat myself — are reeling after the release of Jake Tapper’s new book, “Oh My God, I Lied About Everything!” The book is the result of Tapper’s eight-month investigation into Jake Tapper during which Tapper discovered that almost every word out of Tapper’s mouth has been entirely untrue.
Tapper says the break in his investigation came after he managed to isolate Tapper in an interrogation room under a bright light where he continually slapped him, shouting “Confess, you two-faced bastard,” until Tapper broke under the brutal questioning and confessed to Tapper that he’d been deceiving the public for years.
In a searching interview on his CNN Show, “Jake Tapper Investigates,” Jake Tapper told Jake Tapper, “I was absolutely shocked at the depth of my duplicity. I lied about Trump’s collusion with the Russians, I lied about Trump saying there were good people among the white supremacists. You know that time I said that George Floyd’s death indicated widespread racism among police? Total BS! Oh, and how about my panic-mongering during the pandemic unleashed by China with funding from Fauci? So help me, a word of truth in my mouth would die of loneliness. Finally — get this — I actually had the gall to publish a book on the cover-up of Joe Biden’s dementia in which I pretended to take some responsibility for not covering the story. Not covering the story? I covered the hell out of it! The idea that those lies were any different than all the other lies I told — that was the biggest lie of all!”
As Tapper’s book rose on fiction bestseller lists, other journalists and Democrats — but I repeat repeating myself — also began to rake in profits by getting to the bottom of the lies they’d been telling for years.
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At ABC, for instance, George Stephanopoulos, the host of “Good Morning America,” opened the show with a special report blowing the lid off the consistent dishonesty of George Stephanopoulos, the host of “Good Morning America.”
“It’s terrible to think that George Stephanopoulos would have actually gotten away with these lies if I hadn’t exposed him,” said George Stephanopoulos. “I mean, let’s go back to the very beginning of my career. All those women who said Bill Clinton was chasing after them with his wing-wang hanging out? The only one lying was me when I said they were lying. Then, when ABC hired me after all that lying, I figured they just wanted me to keep on lying, so I did. Like, remember how we spiked Amy Robach’s Jeffrey Epstein story during Hillary Clinton’s campaign, and I said I had nothing to do with the decision? Well, I did a deep dive into that incident, let me tell you, and it turned out it was me all along.”
At CBS, News President Wendy McMahon resigned after “60 Minutes” was caught editing an interview with Vice President Kamala Harris so that a learned disquisition on Middle East politics by an AI Kamala voice was dubbed over Harris’s original statement which consisted of a series of random words interrupted by loud cackling laughter. Miss McMahon said that after finding out how dishonest she was, she could no longer work with herself.
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Bob Woodward has published a new 4,000-page book called “Bull,” in which Bob Woodward’s lies are exposed by an anonymous source called Deep Bob. Meeting in a shadowy underground garage, Deep Bob tells Woodward the so-called Watergate scandal was just a lot of minor mischief blown out of proportion to punish Nixon for being right about all the communists in the government. In another interview last week, former President John F. Kennedy told Woodward, “Oh, sure, my behavior was much worse than Nixon’s and no one covered that at all. Why do you think I had to leave town in such a hurry? Frankly, I think the entire history of the 20th century needs to be rewritten.”
Reacting to these revelations, former President Joe Biden said, “The whole thing’s absurd. Now all these journalists are blaming me for Trump’s re-election. What did I do? No, seriously, I can’t remember: what did I do?”
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